Friday, August 1, 2008


two things actually...

first...i came across a song i absolutely has quickly moved into my list...and with recent events has become something special to me. you know those moments when you hear a song and something occurs at the same time in your life and you forever relate the song and that moment/incident or whatever together??

this song is absolutely doesn't hurt that the artist of the song is equally as beautiful to look at either :D!!

gavin rossdale : love remains the same. brilliant. and how does it relate to my life?? a moment?? well my gramma had her fifth stroke about 3 weeks ago that left her without the ability to talk or swallow and no hope of recovery. she has a living will which means she doesn't want to be kept alive by artificial means. so no feeding tubes. all she had was an iv. about 2 weeks ago the decision was made to remove the IV. the dr.s gave her 3-7 days to live.

and while i am sad that gramma is no longer going to be here...i am not sad sad. she has had a long and beautiful life...she is 83 years old. and we know these things happen. i was okay with it.

then 2 days ago i received an email  from my aunt updating me on my gramma's condition. i don't know  why...but reading that my gramma was still hanging on...really affected me.  13 days later...15 now!! she was a force to be reckoned with on life it only makes sense that she is a force to reckoned with with death...but my heart hurts. something that should have been so simple as her passing away in her sleep has not been. i wonder about whether or not she is pain...she no longer recognizes people...confused...and just waiting. it seems cruel. but even then i was still had affected me, but i was okay.

it wasn't until i was talking with my mom and she was telling me about her plans for after my gramma passes away that something hit me. there has been some of those not so pleasant moments that come out in the event of death around my gramma from people who claim to love her...i was so angry after hearing about them. lets just say, without getting into their drama, that i am finding extremely disrespectful and upsetting. but what my mom had to say pushed me right over the edge i didn't know i was on...her plan is beautiful and i am going to be a part of it...and i would love to share it...but right now it might cause some issues among earlier mentioned loved ones. lets just say that we are planning a beautiful good bye that will have meaning and respect to my gramma.

so where does the song fit in?? well i was updating my music lists...the one for my itunes...and it was playing repeatedly in the background while i was reading that email and talking to my mom. it was the first song i heard when i got off the phone and sat back down at my computer...

and while the story of the song is about something entirely different...the one line will forever be poignant for this chapter of my remains the same. and no, i am not sad...emotional, yes...but not this song doesn't make me sad to hear it...i only think of the beauty i find in the song.

thank you for listening...have a fabulous and beautiful day!!


  1. I know what a struggle this has been for you. I am here for you my friend.

  2. My thoughts are with you Jessi. I hope everything goes as best as it can during such a tough time. Hugs

  3. if you just need to get out and go somewhere just let me know i am here for you to my friend i have been thru this not to long ago i understandd what your talking about with family its hard to be a family very hard but what i have learned is that you have to be the bigger person and let it lie as hard as it is you have to you have to forgive them no matter what its their opinion their feelings and they may not understand where everyone else is coming from its a crazy thing and the other thing i have learned is keep your family close no matter what always keep lines of communication open and never let them close it hugs my friend !!!

  4. oh jess...i know that saying "death is a part of life" & it is...but i wish somehow that it was easier to take...i know that isn't fair or even possible, it just hurts & i hate for those i love to be hurt...& i wish that at times like these people didn't take their sadness & become idiots...i'm so sorry
    please know that you & your gramma & your family will be in my thoughts & prayers...
    (((big huge hugs to you)))
    & peace :)

  5. Hey Jessi, i'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother's passing. sounds like she was quite the person. reading this post brought tears to my eyes, you write so beautifully. hugs to you and your family
    Isa xxx